Our dear, dear Provo.

 My first (and perhaps final) attempt at an infographic. Who knew it would take so long to draw little sign people?

Biased Introductions

Because we, as human beings, have an inability to present an accurate representation of ourselves, we will take care of introductions vicariously, each introducing the other. This will allow us to avoid the dangers of self-introduction, which include the following:

• Self-depreciation (such as: “I spend most days lying on the floor in a chocolate coma”)
• Exaggeration of strengths (“I can hold my breath longer than Michael Phelps”)
• Invention of strengths (“I was in the Apollo 13 when it exploded.”)

Some things you should know about the wielder of the green pen, Noelle: she is sort of like Martial Arts-- the shorter the impact, the more damage it does. She never misses an opportunity for a joke, even if the joke is completely inapplicable. Besides her propensity towards $1 Chocolate Turnovers, she can be a very responsible citizen. She has natural talent in many areas; her only difficulty is sticking to one thing long enough to truly utilize that talent. Her many talents include sound-effect communication, scape-goat assigning, and improvising songs about country houses and death penalties.

She likes trashy accents, square-framed glasses, and screaming monkeys. What she doesn’t like are awkward situations, scratchy scarves, and not receiving credit for her oddities.

Boon, my cohort in crime (usually unwittingly) and the writer in blue, is perhaps not as innocent as she may at first appear. Sure, she may claim that I put that stash of cheese under her bed without her knowledge. She may claim that it is I who force her not to fight back in a tickle war. She might seem like the type that appreciates everyone and everything, creating a radiant halo of goodness wherever she goes. But we know the truth, you and I. We know that she must be creating this appearance of benevolence merely as a tool she can one day use to her advantage - I suspect it is to one day inherit the throne and become president of the PTA. Only time will tell.
Aside from the obvious ulterior motives, she likes Robert Frost and Longfellow, Josh Groban and Puccini, dancing loudly in the rain. She doesn’t like black balloons, mean words, or the feeling you get when you use cheap soap.

I found the cheese. Prepare to be PTA-ed.

Incipient Insult

    Many blogs are doomed by their first post. From personal and indirect experience with failed blogs, there are a few reasons blogs never make it past “GO”.

1. Bloggers doom themselves with overly optimistic expectations.

2. Novels begin to seem a much better way to get famous quickly.

Once upon a time, on a dark and stormy night, in a land far, far away, in the best of times and the worst of times, there was a potential blogger who really wanted to make it big; but something was off... her laptop. And also her over-the-top-cliche radar.

3. Many don’t have any sort of inkling of what they would like to say beyond the fact that they want to write a blog.



4. Blogs tend to be a lot longer than facebook statuses.

Post One: I saw a cow walking up the road today as I drove home.

Post Two: David Archuleta is going on a Mission!

Post Three: Love comes at a heavy price... but that only reflects its true             value.
Post Four: Isn’t Comic Sans a great font?

5. Perhaps the most important reason: Most bloggers don’t have the rapier-sharp wit required to keep the kind of broad audience that we do.

(The only follower right now happens to be me)